Some people can not be alone. That used to be me. I grew up in a large family, and I have a twin sister. I was never alone until halfway through college. I transferred to a different school and was forced to be alone. I was petrified.
Some people avoid being alone because their minds might turn towards uncomfortable things such as a painful childhood. Others avoid it because they are just too busy.
It wasn’t until I was 38 years old that I discovered there was a huge difference between solitude and lonliness. Solitude is where you get to be creative. If you are never alone, you are cheating yourself.
Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?
Do you ever get yourself in a rut? Ruts are there because they are on the predictable paths. They are the ones that are safe and routine.
For many years I stayed in the ruts. I played it safe, and sure enough I stayed safe. But I also stayed scared and small. I didn’t try new things because I might fail, or need someone, or get myself in a situation I couldn’t control.
What no one tells you is that by living small, you stay safe, but this becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of staying small and safe; safe and small.
One of the by-products of going to school to become a counselor, and thereby working through my own emotional wounds, was that all of a sudden my anxiety went away. So did my low level depression. I grieved and moved on.
Suddenly I didn’t care about failure or how I looked. I didn’t care if I got lost or my car broke down. I stopped worrying about who would be there for me or not. I stopped tippy-toeing around and saying yes to everyone in hopes they would like me. I orchestrated the life I wanted rather than letting people push me into their mold.
I took my power back. I got out of the rut.
What has stopped you in the past? What are you afraid to try today?
Many people wonder what happens in counselor. They may have questions like:
Why would I want to go talk to a stranger about my problems?
How is that going to help?
I can just talk to my friends and family, can’t I?
If I go see a counselor, what will we do? What will we talk about?
If I share personal things, is the counselor going to tell others?
Here is a great video that explains exactly what happens and how counseling helps:
Obviously, Susan is a therapist in Ohio, but there are many counselors here in the Denver area who can help you. Not sure how to find a good counselor? Ask people you trust. If money is an issue, consider going to a university that offers counseling programs — once students finish their master’s degree training, they need to see clients under the support and direction of a supervisor. You help them and they help you! Still need help? Contact me and I will see what I can do to point you in the right direction.