A Tale of Three Bears – which one are you?

Posted on November 24, 2008 by Lucille

The Original Feeling of Child (OFC):

The un-fragmented child at conception with innate intelligence, talent, personality, creativity, physical appearance and the capacity to feel all feelings – appropriately and inappropriately.

The soul/true spirituality is the core of the Original Feeling Child. The Original Feeling Child is who a person was created to be.

I call this bear the “authentic self” or “Feeling Bear” – this is how we were supposed to be. God gifted us with feelings, which were meant to be expressed. Loving parents guide and nurture Feeling Bear’s feelings.

The Sobbing Hurting Child (SHC):

The “Pool of Pain;” created by outside negative influences, (abuse, neglect, illness, etc.) contains painful feelings only (fear, sadness, anger, loneliness, helplessness, etc.), created out of the Original Feeling Child.

The positive part of the Sobbing Hurting Child is that she enables a person to feel empathy and compassion, to be tender and caring.

I call this bear the “false self” or Wounded Bear – notice how her growth was stunted.

The Controlling Child (CC):

Innate defense mechanisms are created out of the Original Feeling Child to protect the Sobbing Hurting Child. The Controlling Child will use whatever he/she can, out of innate abilities or out of the environment, to hold down pain. Some of the most common defenses are: Repression, anesthetizing (food, alcohol, drugs, sex, tobacco), and relying on diversionary tactics (relationships, school, work, church, sports, music, reading, television, computers, etc.).

I call this creature “Gorilla Momma” – she is the addict who protects the wounded bear.

If you are living out of Gorilla Momma or Wounded Bear, you know it. Your life is filled with pain, and your relationships suffer. In counseling, clients learn to share feelings, tell the truth, accept responsibility, pray for a better understanding of God’s grace in their lives, and eventually offer grace to others.

What Did Billy Do Right?

Posted on October 5, 2008 by Lucille

Billy Currington did something right! The country music star was on the cusp of major fame when he took a hiatus. He took 5 months off from his touring and performing in order to deal with childhood issues.

He spent 5 months doing the work surrounding his anger in regards to an alcoholic step-dad, and he focused on healing childhood wounds with a trauma therapist.

I appreciate the fact that Billy didn’t hide from this. By his being open and honest, he is using his platform to encourage others to do the same. Rather than healing in secret, Billy was open, and therefore supported by fans who encouraged him with their emails, letters and facebook posts.

In the news segment I saw, Billy looked very happy and very much at peace with himself.

To check out (a steamy) Billy on YouTube click here

Trauma is…

Posted on September 13, 2008 by Lucille

Trauma….

…is extreme stress plus horror. Children tend to experience fear differently from adults. They experience it as horror. For a child, even watching violence can be as traumatic as experiencing it.

…shatters the assumptional word of the survivor. The world is no longer safe.

…gets carried through the generations. Basal cortisol levels have been found in 3^rd generation Holocaust survivors. Unless they get help, trauma survivors unknowingly re-enact their trauma onto their children (“hurt people hurt people”).

…throws off the HPA axis. The HPA axis is the “set point” at which your body gives off stress chemicals. It involves three systems: immune, endocrine, and neurologic. That’s why stress can cause acne, infertility, auto-immune diseases, and so much more!

…is carried in procedural memory.

*Procedural or ”body memories” are learned sequences of coordinated ”motor acts” chained together into meaningful actions. You may not remember explicitly how and when you learned them, but, at the appropriate moment, they are ”recalled” and mobilized simultaneously.

That is why a traumatized person can know on a rational level that something is safe, and yet her mind and body respond in an un-rational way…as if the traumatic event is occurring at that moment.