Managing Holiday Stress – a repost

Posted on November 21, 2011 by Lucille

My extended family was recently in town visiting. As nine of us entered the crowded Bonnie Brae Ice Cream store we had pre-agreed to buy nine single sugar cones. That would allow us to move through the crowded space and make our choices quickly. Each person could pick their flavor, take their cone and exit the store leaving room for others, and one person could easily pay. As we approached the counter, one by one, my family started deviating from the plan and I felt myself becoming distressed. I looked over at my nephew getting a double-scoop waffle cone dipped in chocolate, and then saw my father-in-law ordering two large waffle cones. I felt myself losing the joy of the moment. I was struck by how quickly a fun outing to the ice cream store caused me to feel such tension.

As we approach the holidays, we anticipate more family togetherness. A national survey found that 36 percent of Americans would rather be anywhere but home for the holidays. In contrast, 26 percent of adults say that the best gift they could receive this holiday season would be having their family live closer. The thought of spending time with family and friends during the holidays may conjure up mixed emotions for many people.

There are many reasons why being with the people we love can cause us to feel stressed and emotionally out of control. High expectations, excess food and alcohol, tight-knit quarters, and too many opinions, can cause us to feel frenzied. Here are some tips for keeping your cool as the holidays approach:

Set Limits: “No” is a complete sentence. Feel free to say no to staying up late just because everyone else is. No to participating in political conversations that you know will just make you feel angry. No to engaging in gossip or negative talk. No to meeting up with the other relatives that will anger or frustrate you. Be aware of, and stick to your limits. This includes knowing what you can and can’t handle, and extends to spending on gifts in response to feeling obligated by others.

Have a Strategy: Be aware that when you are with your parents and siblings it’s easy to revert to familiar roles. Families are systems and when they are reunited it seems that everyone knows their place. Perhaps you become the conforming little girl or the bossy older brother. Tell yourself ahead of time that this is not who you are any more and you don’t have to play that part. When you know someone is going to say something that always irritates you, plan a response ahead of time. This shields you from the pain and keeps you in control.

Install Humor: As you gaze at your family, learn to laugh at their idiosyncrasies. Look to your spouse for a private smile or giggle. Realize that there really are no “normal” families. Every family has its characters and that is what makes us human. Rent some funny movies and watch them together. The shared laughter will create bonds between you and distract from the negativity. Some of my favorites are “What About Bob?” and “Waking Ned Divine.”

Self Care: Take time out away from family members to nurture yourself. Take a bubble bath or hot tub. Steal away for some alone time (napping, reading a really good book, or listening to soothing music). Try not to overeat. Limit your alcohol, fat and sugar intake. Exercise is probably the best thing you can do because it helps lower blood pressure, allows you to refocus your thoughts, and releases endorphins – the body’s natural painkiller.

Consider Getting a Hotel: This allows you much more control over the situation…the money spent may be a wise investment. You will have freedom to come and go at will, and have a place to escape when you see yourself falling into old patterns, or engaging in destructive talk or behaviors.

Looking for more tips click here

How do you keep from getting stressed over the holidays?

*Originally published in the Columbine Courier December 2006

Find the Upside of the Down Times – a book review

Posted on October 12, 2011 by Lucille

Rob Pennington is the perfect person to write this book. He survived a firing, a shooting, an IRS audit, and the illness and death of his spouse. Rob learned that no matter how daunting the challenge, or how overwhelming the fear, there is always a step we can take that leads to a positive outcome.

Here’s just one example:

Rob survived a shooting but received a $35,000 hospital bill and he had no insurance to pay. He was bed-ridden at home and had no ability to pay in order to work. But Rob had the smarts to imagine a postive outcome (not a Pollyanna type outcome, but just the possiblity that it would work out).

So I told myself, “I know this bill will be paid, I just don’t know how it will happen.” By holding this thought, something occured to him: ”I don’t have to pay this bill, it just has to be paid!”

As a speaker, he shared this story. Eventually a listener in his audience told him about Victim’s Compensation — something Rob had never heard of. All of his bills were paid!

This book is a very easy, interesting read. It’s filled with great stories that lead to better outcome.

Chapter titles include: It’s a Miracle, Turn Worry into a Goal, Failure Leads to Success, Losing a Job/Gaining a Career, Easy Come Easy Go/Not, Help, It’s the Little Things, The Gift of Giving, and Lessons Learned.

To order a copy of Rob’s book click here

Exercise: 30 minutes a day can change your life

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Lucille

So many people hate the word “exercise” and hate doing it even more. I have a theory that if people reframed a few things they would learn to love exercise. Exercise is exponential for making your feel better. In fact, exercise is the first suggestion I give to my depressed and anxious clients.

Exercise reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It also stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that are the body’s natural mood elavators and painkillers.

Did you know that adding 30 minutes of moderate physical activity a day can:

Improve your mood & mental functioning, and reduce stress.
Lower your risk of developing hypertension and diabetes.
Reduce your risk for cancer, especially colon and breast cancer.
Reduce your chances of getting heart disease.
Help you maintain your independence in your later years.
Maintain a healthy weight.
Improve your sex life.
Improve your ability to heal from colds
Help you fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply.
Cut your risk of depression in half.
Turn on appetite-stimulating hormone called ghrelin.
Slow the aging process (Exercise slows cellular death).
Create an atmosphere for sunlight to lift your mood.

Here are my best tips for helping you put 30 minutes of exercise into your day:

Workout first thing in the morning. You’ll be less likely to blow it off than you would at the end of the day when you are tired.
Pair exercise with a pleasurable activity such as meeting up with friends, listening to music or podcasts, or reading a book or watching TV on a treadmill.
Vault over your negative thoughts. “Thirty minutes from now I’m going to feel amazing!”
Start: Most people don’t really hate exercise; they had the thought of exercise. Once you start it’s actually enjoyable to feel your body move.
Forget about finding time. Make the time! We all find time to do the things we deem important.
Start small and add to your regimen. Walk for 30-minutes. Try adding strength training and stretching two to three times a week. Yoga and stretchy bands are perfect for this.
Say, “I get to do this,” not, “I have to do this.”
Reward yourself after you meet goals.

Do you make time for exercise? How do you do this? How do you stay motivated?